As much as I love my friends who are totally into Halloween and I super enjoy their excitement about the holiday, I must admit that I hate Halloween. I can’t remember one Halloween that I’ve actually enjoyed myself. There have actually been quite a few where I’ve had some of the worst times of my life. Seriously.
What I hate the most about Halloween is figuring out a costume. There are pictures of me from when I was little where my parents dressed both my sister and I up in witch costumes. This included witch hats, crazy makeup and black trash bags with holes cut out for our heads and arms as our outfits. You see, my parents weren’t too thrilled with the idea of buying costumes. They wanted to make them. And what’s more appropriate for a late October night in Oregon than having your kids wear something that’s waterproof and also allows them to wear big coats underneath? It seemed perfect to them, but I remember being less than thrilled with the idea.
A few years later, when I was in kindergarten, I got the most AH-MAZING costume EVER! My parents had bought me this super awesome pink bunny outfit that was pretty much the exact bunny pajamas that Ralphie’s relative got him in a Christmas Story. Not only would I be adorable going trick-or-treating, but I’d be pink, fuzzy, and could even wear them as footie pajamas! I remember going to school and being SO excited about my costume. I bragged about it for weeks beforehand.
There was a tradition at our school for kids in every class to parade around in their costumes on Halloween (or the closest day to Halloween) to kind of show off. My kindergarten teachers asked us to do a craft project where we made masks out of paper bags and paper plates and stuff, just in case some kids didn’t have costumes or weren’t allowed to wear them to school.
Just a little something about myself; I have been a realist for a very long time. I’ve always known that I have been horrible at crafts, so I was usually the only unhappy kid in the class when they asked us to do crafting. This time, I was ok. I knew that I had the BEST costume that I’d be wearing when it was time for the parade. So instead of taking the crafting seriously, I just found anything pink that I could including feathers and pipe cleaners and anything else, and glued them to my paper bag. I gave myself eye holes to look out of, even though I knew I wouldn’t actually be wearing it. I also tried to make ears so it was as close to my pink bunny costume as I could get. Every time I’d look at it I would think “Gross. At least I don’t have to wear it!”
Then came the day of the Halloween parade. I woke up exhilarated and feeling fine! I remember running up to my mom and asking her for my costume…and that’s when my whole world shattered. It broke my Halloween spirit forever. You see, I wasn’t allowed to wear my costume to school because I might get it dirty.
I cried all morning. I stomped my feet (which I still find effective today), and I BEGGED to wear it. My sister watched from a distance, knowing that my pleas were for naught.
I don’t know how she did it, but my Mom got me to school. I found myself in my classroom with every other kid dressed up except me. There were even a few kids who poked fun at me because I had been bragging about my costume so much over the past few weeks (I was a little obsessed).
I’d made a decision. I would sit in the class by myself while the rest of the kids went around and did the stupid costume parade. No one would know that I wasn’t there, and I wouldn’t have to be humiliated. It would be better to never be seen. But then my plan was foiled. My teachers told me that I had to go in the parade, and not only that, I had to wear the DISGUSTING mask I’d made.
This is where the tears started up again. There is nothing like a kindergartener forced to wear something she thought was the stupidest thing in the world. My teachers kept telling me that my mask was really pretty and that I’d done a good job. I’ve always been good at telling when grown-ups were lying to me.
And what happened? Did one of my two teachers stay behind with the obviously distraught child while the rest had a great time doing the parade? Of course not! After they couldn’t convince me that I would still have a good time in my nasty mask, they tried to remind me that I was going to make the other people upset. Well of course I knew that, but I couldn’t stop crying! So then I felt even worse about the whole thing. I was miserable and I was ruining everyone else’s time too. That sure made me feel more in the spirit of things! :P
Finally, the teachers got annoyed enough to give up on me. The put the bag over my head, placed me in line, and had me march around the school. Each classroom that we went to (you see, it started with the kindergarteners and moved up through the grades where each class would join at the end of the line after getting to see everyone who was already in it) got a full view of me in my freaking grotesque mask of pink random junk glued to a paper bag that I had over my head (think of it, what is more fitting in this situation than a paper bag over my head?) SOBBING as I walked. Not just sobbing, but sobbing loudly. It got to the point where I was hiccupping and couldn’t breathe. But was I let out of the horror of the Halloween costume parade? NO. I made it all the way through the school, back into the classroom, and then to my desk where it ripped up the freakish paper bag mask that had caused so much horror.
This is the absolute worse Halloween that I’ve ever had. It has bread in me a fear of trying to wear the right costume. I didn’t want to get caught in the same kind of situation again. Alas, I can’t even remember wearing my pink bunny costume. I never had a costume since then that I actually liked. I am intimidated beyond belief when it comes to finding a costume and I usually give up. It never ends up as good as I want it to, and I always feel dumb.
That my friends, is one of the major reasons why Halloween is not my favorite holiday. But I do not begrudge those who can find so much joy in such a potentially wonderful day.
