Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Just A Day Like Any Other

            I have a particular way that I act when I’m waiting at the Eugene train station for my bus up to school in Portland.  Everything that I do is done for a reason.  First, I keep my headphones in.  I’m usually listening to a Matt Chandler or Mark Driscoll sermon, so I’m definitely into it, but that isn’t the main reason why I keep those suckers in.  I also keep my cell phone out most of the time, checking it every few seconds or so for text messages (and a lot of times I send text messages to my friends for no reason other than to look busy).  I keep as far away from the waiting people as possible, sidling up to where the bus usually parks to pick us up.  All of these things help me from drawing any sort of attention to myself, and it also keeps people from talking to me because I look predisposed.  I also carry a bag with me (my MacGyver bag) that has everything in it that I could possibly need in any situation ever.
You may wonder why I put so much stock into being so unapproachable.  If you’ve ever been downtown Eugene, you may understand why.  There is a certain type of people you’ll find there.  Often the people downtown that don’t really understand personal space.  They like to ask for money or cigarettes, and they usually smell pretty…interesting.  There’s usually a lingering smell of alcohol mixed with body odor and a hint of crazy drifting around people like a swarm of gnats.  Then there are the kinds of people who really enjoy starting a conversation with a person and then attaching themselves said person presumably for till the end of time.  This sort of thing makes me very uncomfortable.
You see, even thought I make sure to look like I’m completely distracted by my ipod and cell phone, I’m actually on high alert and notice most of what is going on around me.  This is a good disguise for people watching.
One day when I was waiting for the bus, I noticed a figure out of the corner of my eye.  He was about two blocks away, but there was something distinct about him.  The way he was moving was more of a shambling stagger than an actual walk.  The jacket that he wore was sliding off one shoulder and the arm was dragging on the ground.  One foot sort of skidded alongside him as he walked.
Everyone else standing outside of the station waiting for the bus were talking with people around them or reading books and listening to music.  I figured since they were all preoccupied that I’d just have to keep an eye on this guy myself.
So I kept my eyes covertly trained on him as he got closer and closer to the station.  When he was in the parking lot, I could see details on him much clearer.  Everything he had on him was smudged with dirt and grime.  His eyes were almost cloudy and didn’t focus.  Below his gaunt cheeks, his mouth hung open just enough to see the very few remaining teeth in his mouth.
After seeing these details, I quickly popped out one of my earbuds and strained to listen to him over the noise of the people around me chatting.  He’d gotten all the way to the station and was now trying to figure out how to get up the steps to the platform.  And there it was, exactly as I’d feared…a quiet but nonetheless real groan.  Just as it dawned on me what was happening, the man’s murky eyes rolled to the side to lock on one of the people standing closest to him.  He slowly reached out one of his hands toward a girl standing and chatting with a guy and groaned louder as he finally managed to get a foot up one of the steps to the platform.
            I jumped into action.  Slinging my bag around, I quickly unzipped it, stuffing my hand all the way to the bottom, grasping whatever my hand landed on first.  It was a pen.
            “This’ll have to do.”  I mumbled to myself as I uncapped it and looked up for my target.
            He had gotten farther up the steps and was just close enough to grab the girl standing nearest him.  She was just starting to shout a warning at the stranger not to touch her as I flung the pen at the slinking man.  It hit him directly in the ear and stuck there, which only gave him a second’s pause.  I hoped that pause would give me enough time to reach him.
            Leaving my bag where it was, I lunged forward, knocking the crowd of people out of my way as I made a bee line toward the man.  A line cleared for me as people started to finally notice the girl’s screams.  The man was over the annoyance of the pen in his ear and now he was starting to claw at the bare skin on her arm.
            Just feet away from the man I grabbed the book that a nearby recluse was reading, shouting at me as I snatched it from his hands.  I pulled it back to get momentum and then swung at the slinking man’s head, hitting the pen as hard as I could.  It sunk deep into his head, squishing into the brain (I presume) because what little life was left in him vanished and he fell to the floor like a sack of oranges.
            The girl he’d been clawing had stopped screaming.  I looked around and saw that no one was paying attention anymore.  I tossed the book back to the person I’d taken it from and he just went back to reading after giving me the slightest look of disapproval.  He didn’t even avoid putting his hands in the blood that was congealing on the book.
            Pulling my attention back on the girl next to me, I grabbed her arm and inspected the scratches.  They were bleeding and gaping.  She didn’t wince at my touch.  
            Next I had to check her eyes, and there it was.  What must have been beautiful, deep brown eyes just seconds ago, were now being clouded over by a dusty gray.  There was no focus to them. 
            Just then there was a loud honk coming from the street.  I looked up to see the bus was pulling into the train station and making its way toward us.  It was going to be sliding in right next to me.
            There was a slight moan starting to escape from the girl next to me whose arm I was still holding.  Before I knew it, her head dove down toward my hand to try and snatch a bite.  I was lucky she didn’t weight very much.  Using them momentum of her strike, I was able to yank her around and toss her from the platform just as the bus was sliding in.  There was a crunch and a crack as the bus bounced over her lifeless body. 
            “Sorry kid.”  I said as I turned to gather my bag and get in line for the bus.  I popped my earbuds back in as I found my favorite seat in the right isle toward the back of the bus.  People were still abuzz with conversation, but no one seemed to have noticed what had just happened right in front of their eyes. 
            I looked out the window as we pulled away from the station.  There were two bodies lying on the ground outside, but they were already starting to decompose.  All the evidence would be gone soon, and in 3 short hours I’d be up in Portland and on my way to class.

            Ok….so there are parts of this story that aren’t exactly true.  Maybe even all of it after the first two or three paragraphs.  But really, any of that could happen at any time.
Beyond just feeling uncomfortable with and suspicious of some of the people that dwell down there, I am convinced that downtown Eugene Oregon is going to be where the impending zombie apocalypse is going to start.  Seriously.  If you don’t believe me, you’ve never been downtown Eugene.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Life Sucks Part 2: All Is Right With the World

I still hold strong to my last post about how life sucks.  There’s no denying that, at least in part, without being delusional.  Yet this morning, I find myself waking up with a sense of overwhelming peace.  I am satisfied with the day thus far and with my life.  
It’s not like I’m doing anything exciting, I’m just going through my usual Saturday routine.  The kids let me sleep in until a whopping 6:30 (hallelujah!) before waking me up to have me feed them, then I slept for another few hours.  I read a few pages in bed after I decided it was time to get up and I’d had enough sleep (my favorite thing about Saturdays, they’re the one day I can sleep as long as I want).  
A few minutes later I got up out of bed and sorted the laundry and put some in the washing machine.  As I did, I remembered a few things that I need to pick up at the store later today.  Usually at this point I start to prepare myself for action, pumping myself up to go to the store and to figure out some sort of recipe to make tonight for dinner that will give us leftovers for tomorrow.  Instead, this morning I found myself just being thankful that I could even go grocery shopping, and that I’m adult enough to make a list (silly, silly things).
My mind hummed with my schedule today: do laundry, go grocery shopping, finish my homework, work out.  I rarely make lists for myself, but when I do they sort of swallow me up because I have pressure to get everything done.  Not today.
Today, as I moved around our apartment, I felt satisfied.  I cleaned the house yesterday, so that was one less thing to do.  Aquinas and Ashi were both passed out on the bed with Aaron, so I didn’t have to ref any fights.  I didn’t feel self conscious that my hair was sticking straight up.  I was grateful (and still am) for how a lot of really crappy situations lately have turned out.  I was even more grateful for the ability to be grateful.  I woke up with the smile on my lips that I’d gotten so used to through most of my life, but that had seemed to abandon me for the past couple of years.
Nothing in this world is perfect.  We don’t know why things happen and we have to try to be content with knowing that God may or may not let us know, yet He still uses things for good.  As you know, I am fully aware of all of this.  Yet, instead of thinking of Job and Joseph, other verses are flowing through my head.  
“This is the day the Lord had made, I will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24).  I think that a lot of people take this verse to mean that they have to be happy about everything no matter how hard and how crushing it might be, that it’s an ultimatum.  But what we are called to do here is rejoice in everything that God does.  He doesn’t create the bad situations, although He’ll allow them.  God makes good out of the bad situations.  I say, rejoice in that.  God has made this day as He’s made all things and He is good, so we will rejoice in the fact that He brings good into this fallen world and that He cares enough to do so.
For over ten years, what I considered my life verse was Matthew 6:34, 35, “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself; each day has enough troubles of its own.”  I’ve been a worrier my whole life and this verse is a reminder to take each day and it’s troubles one by one.  For someone who is afraid that not worrying means that they aren’t prepared for situations in life, you can’t get any better an excuse to relax than that.  
So far today, I’m impressed upon to feel few troubles and just kick back, enjoying my day that will be filled with the boring and the usual.  Heck, I’m barely even annoyed that, yet again, what I’ve written isn’t quite as good as what I’d been thinking in my head before sitting down to my computer. I’m just happy that I can write something with good enough grammar for people to be able to read.  Just call me Pollyanna.